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a. I'm just very tired
b. I'm in a funk
c. I have no motivation
d. I need a vacation
The answer is... e. All of the above.
When he said that, I felt like like I just had an out-of-body experience. I've always done it, and yet I never realized it. To this day, I have to say, it is still a recurring habit. It happened again just two days ago. I was even the one who was trying to bring up the serious subject into a conversation. But when the answer came, I tried to make light of it by making a joke. When I caught myself, I smiled a little because I remembered him pointing that out to me.
Damn you, even after twelve years! Sometimes you just can't truly get over someone. Even if you've moved on. :)
- Mood:
calm
For the past few days the local newspaper is doing a promotion by giving out free paper in the morning. And I always take one. But somehow I haven't been able to read any of them. Again, not enough (free) time.
Today I realize, there will never be enough (free) time. Life is short. I'll skip the front page and just read the things I'm really interested in. That means: go directly to the comics, thank you. Oh and Miss Manners and Dear Abby. :)
Cheers!
I haven't been giddy about a book in a loooonggg time!... But I am currently. I am in a way that puts a spring in my step and a smile in my day. When I read Sedaris, I laughed out loud on the bus. But this is a different kind of laugh, it's a giddy laugh. You see, I'm in the middle of Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. This book is so good, I'm torn. I can't wait to know what happens next, but as the pages recede from the right hand side, I'm sad to know that this little adventure is ending. I don't want this book to ever end. :)
Isn't it odd how sometimes you care so much for fictionalized characters? Whenever I read a particularly good [fiction] book or watch a particularly excellent movie, I always start to wonder what happens to the characters after the ending is completed. Do the lovers really end up living happily ever after or do they fight and bicker every now and then? Was the villain really put away for a very long time or would he be up for parole sometime soon? Even in TV series I get too caught up and symphatize for purely fictionalized characters. For example, I can't help but feel for Dr. House. Mean and crude as he is, I think it's an underlying pain that causes him to be the way he is. Hah! You say to me: ya'think?! Hehehe...
Maybe I'm pathetic, maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. But if it puts a spring in my step and a smile in my day, why not? :)
An employee fainted during lunch. He fell face forward into a pan of cold apple strudel. He came to a few seconds later and said, "What just happened?" All the while pieces of phyllo dough were stuck to his face. The few co-workers around him said, "You passed out. You didn't realize it?" He looked on, confused. And then when they told him to sit down, he just stood rigidly like he was in a trance. That's when all hell breaks loose.
Someone started yelling for help. A male co-worker came in and tried to wrestle him to sit down, while he remained stiff as a board. Then all the color drained out of his face, and as he turned ashen grey, he passed out a second time. Someone started yelling if anyone in the office knows CPR. Other people started creeping out from their respective cubicles, wondering if they should approach closer or if they should stay away. A few people started dialing 911, but they couldn't get through. Another employee from a different department finally dialed from his cell phone. He described the situation and less than a minute later we could hear the sirens coming our way. He didn't end up spending the night at the hospital. He was fine a few hours later, got discharged and went straight back to work the next day. Not really sure what happened, but I can hear him talking now, as I'm typing at my desk.
But I couldn't help noticing the other co-worker who first got through to 911 on his cell phone. I also know that he's in training to be a fire fighter. I've been noticing that he's quite a looker, but ever since that day, I couldn't help myself. I stare a little longer whenever he comes into view. Underneath those baggy pants and sweatshirt, I'm sure a six-pack is tucked away nicely. Wasn't it researched somewhere that adrenaline rush makes someone look more attractive than they actually are? :)
- Mood:
busy
Ate any remaining leftovers from Friday night dinner at my boyfriend's place. Bits and pieces of clam pasta, roast chicken, and some crusty bread slathered with butter. Munched on some home-made pizza, then ate a full order of chicken katsu donburi for dinner. I tell you those running days are not that great for my waistline. I am hoping to pump some iron though, so that as I tone up and get more muscle I won't pack on the pounds like I did last year.
Next Saturday I'm going to try for another 10-miler, then after that on to 12. Hoping to break my personal record this year. Wish me luck!
My dentist has been trying to get me to see an orthodontist for a while now. I would say something close to two years. But I've successfully "forgotten" to make the necessary appointment. Until today. For the first time in my life, I sat in a dentist chair feeling slightly uneasy as a woman with perfectly sized and straight teeth explained about orthodontic treatments that they can offer me. Geez lady, can you show off those teeth of yours even more??
Bottom line is: I need me some grillz... And it's going to cost around $5500. There are a few arguments for and against getting them. And here they are in no particular order:
| Yes to the Grillz: | Heck to the No: |
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So.., should I or should I not?
Then another question was blurted out, "Why are those people protesting against the meeting? What's with that?" So someone else stuttered, "Because those people are angry about the current economic conditions. Those bankers were the ones who made the decisions that caused all this."
I was suddenly hit with the realization that I have no idea what G20 is. Or what it does. Actually, I haven't got a clue of most recent events these days. And then out of nowhere I got this longing for being back in school. There was always one or two classes in which the teacher would want us to always keep up with current events. We'd only talk about it for a few minutes before class actually starts. But those talks really kept me up to date. These days the only thing I'm up to date with is what Miley Cyrus did and what who Octomom is. Even those are considered old news by now. Pathetic.
I've got to get edumecated somehow. Today's must-read: research about G20. Do you think Wikipedia entry would sufficiently provide information for me?
I started watching The Amazing Race again. And as usually happens with TV series, I am hooked yet again. Gah! Plus, ever since the economy tanked, I've been seeing more and more travel deals. So I've got the travelling bug pretty badly. And how else can you see the world on someone else's expense? Of course, you're going to have to provide some entertainment, but I'm sure I'll be able to manage that. Getting creamed in the face? Here I come!
So now the question is: Who to partner up with during my race around the world? Below are my top three choices along with their pros and cons:
1. My Big Brother: Gabhor
Pros: We both grew up and lived together for over two decades. We've actually talked about this before! We know what makes each other tick. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. And I have to say, our strengths and weaknesses actually complement each other! He's very observant while I'm very communicative. So he can observe the situation and find the best solution, while I will never be too shy to tap a stranger and ask for directions.
Cons: We are both pretty clueless with maps. And because we know what makes each other tick, I think we just might end up trying to murder each other.
Verdict: Two, three episodes. Then we'll go out with a loud bang. A fight in Frankfurt followed by a meltdown in Munich.
2.The sister I never had: Claudia
Pros: Despite our big age gap (she's 10 years younger!) we are both very compatible. She is very mature for her age and she's given me lots of advice that not only makes perfect sense, but more often than not, I never actually thought about them until the moment she told them to me. We both can comfort and cheer each other on, and I know she's game for just about anything. Plus that girl can haul a$$. She's physically fit, which is a big plus in this game. And like me, she also has a competitive streak that can be turned on instantly.
Cons: We might enjoy ourselves too much and have way too much fun to actually win the race.
Verdict: Four, maybe five episodes. When we realize we're going to be eliminated, our last episode will be when we take things slow and take pictures all the way. Quintessential Japanese school-girl victory sign!!...
3. One of my best friends and former co-worker: Marjo
Pros: We've worked and traveled together (for work) many, many times. So we both understand [and can possibly weasel our way out of] flight delays, cancellations. We both moved to the US from distant lands so we are both culturally sensitive. We're both pretty similar in our thought pattern and things that irritate us. And she has a great sense of direction, which is more than I can say for myself.
Cons: She might not want to rought it out. And because we're so similar in plenty of things, it might be hard to decide who does what Roadblock. Because we both might or might not want to do it.
Verdict: Six or seven episodes. When it comes down to it, I think we both have what it takes. We might even be one of the top three finalists. Or we might get first place one time and win a vacation.
If you wanted to be on Amazing Race, who would you pick to be your partner?
By the way, the current season's started a few weeks ago. Not too late to catch up, you can check their website to watch the latest episodes. Plus it's not something that you have to watch the previous episodes to be able to catch on. Not like some other shows, I'm looking at you, Lost!
... doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. Not even overnight. I just realized that today.
Each day on my birthday, I wake up and say to myself: "Funny, I don't feel (x) years old." But each year the (x) I say to myself gets larger. I guess I start feeling that age only when I'm yet turning over to another age. Oh well. :)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING "MARVELOUSLY MATURE" WHEN.....
... your definition of happy hour is a nap.
Cheers!
- Music:Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat
I'm not going to re-hash the book nor am I going to reminisce of my cooking school days. But I just want to say that a lot of times I get so engrossed in a book that I can't help but looking at the world through a new set of spectacles. Since reading the book, I've made a chocolate pot de creme and I'm already thinking about making a souffle with the leftover egg whites. Or meringue, which ever is easier. :D
Last night I went over to my boyfriend's and we cooked dinner together. He made pizza with pepperoni, mushroom and spinach while I took some leftover chicken sausage and peppers and put them in a pasta dish. Then I also took some leftover spinach and made a salad with red wine vinaigrette, along with dried cherries, feta and pine nuts. I have to say the dinner was pretty delicious and very, very filling. Carbs galore.
Hmm. If I am truly what I read, maybe I should consider taking up heavier subjects for my next reading. Let's see... how about this book? *chuckle* Who am I kidding, I'm more likely to read this book. (In fact I did contemplate it several years ago, before the movie was rumored to be in the making)
By the way, can anyone recommend a good fiction for me? I used to like fiction a whole lot until plenty of them turned into re-packaged trashy novels these days. Please don't tell me to read the Twilight series, I have no interest in vampires. No Anita Shreve, no Jodi Picoult, no Sophie Kinsella, basically no chick lits. Just some good satisfying novel please and thank you. :)
- Location:office (shh!)
- Music:Mad by Ne-Yo
Friday, Feb. 13th: Flower delivery to my office. A few weeks ago I told him not to buy me flowers on Valentine's because I don't want him to spend a ridiculous amount of money because florists jack up their prices on that day. But he sent me flowers anyway. Because he probably knows that secretly I want my co-workers to look with envy at the pretty flowers on my desk. :D
By the way, that's not my desk. I brought the flowers home because I don't want them to wilt during the three-day weekend. Oh and I love the fact that he sent lilies instead of the standby roses and baby's breath. Yuck.
Saturday, Feb. 14th: A card and a gift hand-delivered.
A few weeks ago we agreed not to do gifts for V-day because we are both trying to save money. But he did anyway because he wanted to do something for me. In the card, he thanked me for being a good gf, and he said that he knows he is not perfect but he hopes that I see good qualities in him. The gift was an Origins perfume that I've wanted for a long time. I couldn't believe he remembered. :D
Sunday, Feb. 15th: Brunch at Foreign Cinema.
Months ago I mentioned that I want to try this well-known place. And he made reservation for their popular weekend brunch, somewhat a "different" V-day meal. No amateur night dinners for this foodie, thank you! He'd told me that he'd made reservation but he kept mum on where until we were parked. He had wanted to make it a surprise, so all morning long he'd been saying that we were going to have brunch at Mickey D's.
It was definitely the best V-day I've had. :)
ps. on Saturday night we were at his place, him playing video games, me catching up on the latest Lost. When our tummies growled, we heated up some leftovers and he humored my suggestion to light up a candle and call it a candlelight dinner. Ha! I love how he laughs at my corny jokes but still loves me anyway.
- Mood:
giddy
At what point do you say to yourself, "I'm counting on you to be the one, and I have no fall back plan."?
The line above is from the movie Fever Pitch. If you ever saw it [and you are a woman] I think you can relate on one level or another.
Why am I saying this? Because I'm think I'm at that point. The point where I decide to stick it out or to leave. We are hitting some rough patch that stemmed from some very silly things. But this rough patch is letting me see see the ways in which he solves or tries to solve things. And I'm beginning to see how our principles will
After ending our phone conversation on a sour note, last night I drifted to sleep with such an overwhelming emotion. And the thought that kept echoing in my mind is: Is this worth it? He's never even said that three-word phrase without me saying it first. Not even once.
I suppose the question is not so much as, "At what point do you say that he's the one?"
But it's more like, "At what point do you say this is not worth it?"
Gah. I need me some escapism. Stat!
- Mood:
disappointed
Okay, giftees and gifters are not actual words (although according to Urban Dictionary, re-giftee is). But I am currently in "gift" thinking mode. Yes, Christmas is over, but Valentine looms on the horizon. And my birthday will be coming not long after that. And then the one-year anniversary between me and the boyfriend comes less than a month after that. So forgive me for the continuous "gift" thinking mode.
On Christmas, I found something shiny under the tree. I like saying that, but I really don't mean I got jewelry. He gave me three gifts, two of them shiny. A running beanie, a pair of red patent leather shoes, and a pair of new headlights for my car. You tell me if that's not shiny. When I opened them, I smiled and ooh-ed and ahh-ed and thanked him. But in my head I was thinking: "What kind of man gives headlights for his girlfriend?" I figured the answer is: a practical man. A very practical man. A very, very "practical" man.
When I told my mom, her reasoning behind the gifts were: a running beanie = to keep me warm when I run in the winter so I don't catch a cold; a pair of red patent flats = to make sure I stay girly; a pair of new headlights = to make sure I will be able to see clearly when I drive at night so I won't get into any accidents. Well, if you put it that way, Mom... (everyone say, "Aww....")
For Christmas I got him a baseball jersey that he wanted, it was a memorabilia thing slash self-advertisement because the particular team won the world series in 2008 and the particular player has the same last name as his. And like the difficult giftee (I shall define this as the person who receives a gift) that he is, he bought that jersey himself a month prior to Christmas. Granted he bought a replica one and I had gotten him an authentic one so when I told him about him ruining his own surprise he insisted that he still wanted that jersey. So I added
another gift to make sure the element of surprise is still there. It was a coffee table book on artworks that we'd seen in NYC. He really liked them and I thought the book would be a great addition to his How about this as a V-Day card?
Last month, a few days after Christmas was the birthday of a co-worker. We're pretty close, we have lunch together nearly every day. Well, it's a group of us four girls who have lunch together nearly every day, so yes in that sense we're pretty close.
Well the birthday girl moved from San Diego to the Bay Area not too long ago. Maybe a little over or less than a year, give or take? So this posed the problem of not having too many close friends in the area. When her birthday was looming in the horizon, she sent out an evite saying for a night of drinking at a club/lounge.
Even from the moment the evite was received, an alarm already went off in my head. I felt obligated to come since she also bared her soul saying that us three are the closest friends she's got right now. But I also felt the strongest resistance to go to the "club." Gah! If I could I would have stayed as far away as possible. Girls acting like sluts and guys drunkenly leering left and right.. yeah, my kind of place alright. NOT! But I came anyway. At 10:30 p.m. It was already past my bedtime when the party started.
I guess you couldn't really call it a party because as much as she wanted it not to be, the gathering turned out very few acquaintances of hers. My boyfriend and I were among the first ones to come, and we bought her first drink for the night. After a few sips, we were both already itching to make a quick getaway. But I felt bad because no one was coming yet so we stayed for close to an hour until more people arrived. Then we made our escape.
Looking back, I still have mixed feelings about it. I still feel very strongly that any type of club/lounge is not my habitat. But I also feel a wee bit glad that we came. The other two girls who usually have lunch with us too didn't even make it for various excuses and the rest of the birthday party consisted of her roommates and their friends. So it was like we're giving her moral support by being there.
So now I got another invite for another night of the same. For this coming weekend. In fact, this girl have specifically said that it will be a night of drinking and debauchery. Oh goody. *I am rolling my eyes* But once again I almost feel obligated to come because she has invited only a select few people from the office and she asked that we keep it hush-hush. So can you come up with an excuse for me not to go? Please?
- Mood:
bored
I've blogged about my boyfriend before, right? Well last night we got into a bit of a tiff.
I was feeling a bit sickly and I wanted a little bit of TLC. So I called him around the time I know he was getting off work, and I asked him if he wanted to go get some dinner because I didn't want to eat at home. He already sounded irritated at that time, which I should've taken as a hint that he didn't want to go out. But he said okay anyway. So he came to my office to pick me up but he didn't even give me a smile when I saw him. Crap! As we both started walking, I kept quiet because I didn't want to irritate him further. But then he piped up, "Why are you so quiet?" When I reciprocated saying that he's quiet too, he answered annoyingly, "Well I'm really tired and I have a headache!" I wanted to just tell him
I hate to say this is not the first time that he's acted this way. I understand that his work is stressful and it kinda carries over into his personality, especially right after work. But I don't understand why he lets it get to him. I told this story to one of my friends at work this morning, and then she said something awful but perhaps may have some truth to it. She said that he's taking it out on me because he loves me. It happens all the time: someone taking his anger and frustration out on his significant other even though she didn't do anything wrong. He does it because she's there, and he does it because he is secure with her. He doesn't feel like he has to put up a front, a facade. And he subconsciously knows that if he does that, she won't break up with him or do some other stupid thing.
Is that right? Does being loved mean being someone's virtual punching bag? Now don't get me wrong, he certainly does not hit me, but I didn't want to say "virtual garbage disposal" because he doesn't really let it out as in just unloading his problems, but he lets it out by well.., taking it out on me. :( Now you tell me, has this ever happened to you? Or have you ever done this to your significant other?...
- Mood: blah
For a while now I've been looking for an MP3 player car adapter. But every time I see one for sale, it's always been a bit out of my price range. My brother once mentioned that he had seen one at Ross for cheap and although I'm not above shopping at that place, I haven't had the time and opportunity to spend three hours browsing. I had the opportunity last weekend, but I didn't find any. So I went home empty-handed. But one of my co-workers walked in my office first thing this morning and handed me an adapter. She's bequeathed a few pairs of shoes to me before and she's made indications of doing the same with some trousers but she never mentioned the adapater before. Apparently she's been cleaning out and was going to toss them out but thought that I might be able to use them.
I like to think God is funny that way. Well, maybe not funny but really, really sweet. I never told Him I wanted that adapter but He knows that I want one. Come to think of it, He's like that boyfriend you've always wanted. He always knows what you want and He likes to surprise you!...
Some time ago, maybe two or three years ago, I was liking this sappy song titled Always On My Mind. It's a Willie Nelson original but I was liking the Michael Buble version. Anyway the song lyrics is about a guy who often abandons his girl and the girl seems to have given up, but now the guy is asking for a second chance because after all, even if he wasn't saying all the right things, he claimed to have always had her on his mind.
Well at the time I didn't have a boyfriend. (I wanted to have a boyfriend so he could ignore me and then when I give up on him, he can sing me this song. Ha! ;) But at the time I was feeling particularly.. crestfallen because I'd prayed some things to God but it seemed as if He was standing still and not really caring. So the song echoed really well to my condition. But not long after that, God told my sister-in-law to tell me that He knows. He knows what I want and He knows what my heart's desires are. And that I shouldn't worry because He's going to take care of me.
I still keep that memory close to my heart, and that song too. It's like God telling me: "You may not see your prayers getting answered right away, but I hear your prayer and I know your desires. Trust Me, you are always on My mind."
Happy Monday, everyone!
My favorite scene was when he and Cate Blanchett stood in front of the mirror and him saying, "I want to remember us just as we are now...."
Later on the movie show a younger version of Brad Pitt and I have to say that I don't like it one bit. His 17-year old version looks so fake and unnatural. But then again, maybe I'm just at that age where 40-something year old men attract me. Ha! Never thought I'd say that... Maybe it's just the 40-something Brad Pitt. Not the 40-something balding guy next door. *shudder*
I'm still eyeing to see Revolutionary Road and The Wrestler. Although it seems that The Wrestler has some stripping scenes that I don't particularly want to see. What good movie have you seen (or want to see) lately?
I've been asked to write down ten random (little known?) facts about me. So here goes nothing...
1. I'm very maternal
Seriously, I scare myself sometimes. If I were a man, I'd probably be behind bars already due to suspicion of being a pedophile. I love children and everything about kids. But I am deathly afraid of childbirth. There's something about it that seems so.. cruel. If push comes to shove (pun intended), I'd probably do it but for now I'd like to think that adoption may be a much better option.
2. I'm scared of driving
I still get nervous when I get on the freeway. I still look over many times over before making sure I have at least 25 feet of clear space before changing lanes. I still suck at parking. And I still turn the keys over to my boyfriend whenever possible. But I'm doing it anyway. And I think it's a move in the right direction.
3. I love surprises
Pleasant ones, of course. But sadly I have yet to be pleasantly surprised in a long while. How hard is it for guys to send flowers for no reason at all, anyway huh?
4. I'm very self-conscious
Funny that I said that while I'm blogging. Because that's like the complete opposite of being self-conscious. Well what I mean by that is I always have a fear of embarassing myself. I used to be afraid of going on dates in case the guy looks at the way I eat and then run madly in the other direction. Here's a deep dark secret from long ago: during school field trips or retreats I wouldn't go number #2 for the entire duration of the trip (2-3 days) because I am embarassed by my own stink. Gosh, after those days I would suffer so much in the bathroom.. :( All because I'm very self-conscious.
5. I get bored easily
Very, very easily. Just look at this blog. There was zero post for like 3-4 years. And then now I'm blogging somewhat regularly but please, don't hold your breath. ;)
6. I'm a hermit
I don't find pleasure in going to clubs and drinking (and dancing) my head off. I see no fun in it at all. I like to say that I went through that phase already and I'm over it. But the truth is I never find any enjoyment in it. So maybe I have an old soul, or maybe I'm just an ogre.
7. I don't have 10 things. So I'm ending the list here. This draft percolated around in my brain for the holiday season and really, I don't have anymore little-known things. Sorry Mia!...
